Home and Beginning to Settle In

Finally, we are all home and beginning to get settled in to this new life of ours - although I'm sure it will take a long while before it begins to feel normal. Emerson has had one night in which he slept pretty soundly. Otherwise, he tends to wake up for some reason or another about ever 30-60 minutes. Last night, he had violent, total-body moving hiccups for over two hours. That seriously wiped him out for a few hours but it wasn't very fun trying to deal with him for that stretch of time. We need to do a better job of "sleeping when he sleeps" - which would probably help to rid me of the perpetual headache I have!

Thankfully, though, all the expected changes are occurring and he's gaining weight. We even gave him his first sponge bath a couple of nights ago. He's becoming incredibly alert, looking around and lifting his head up. Occasionally even, we can get a smile out of him.

But now the other side of life sets in. After skipping work and classes for a week, I have to manage to get up tomorrow morning and go to school while Amber has to manage to hold down the fort on her own while I'm gone. We've been spoiled having my mom here the last few days doing all the household chores and making meals! Again, we have to be thankful that meals have been lined up for us by other church members for the next couple weeks and Amber's parents are probably going to come out next weekend as well.

So here we go. A new chapter of our lives. Its exciting and terrifying at the same time. Emerson is a huge joy and wonderful addition to our family and we so look forward to all the memories we get to make with him. But it's also exhausting and frustrating at the same time, as I'm sure many other first time parents could share. So, while I'm 0 for 6 in PhD applications at the moment, I have been accepted into "Fatherhood University". The language requirements are pretty easy, but the comprehensive knowledge required is endless!!

On the Yellow Vomit Comet

So, we got officially admitted into Children's Hospital at 2AM after spending 11 hours in an ER room, which was a real rough way to go. The room they placed us in wasn't the Marriott, but it was a whole lot better. There was at least one pull out chair that Amber got some much needed sleep on while I attempted some shut eye by curling onto two chairs (didn't work so hot).

Emerson still isn't feeding too well, but he was able to hold down two oz at 6AM. At 9AM, he guzzled breastmilk, but threw it all back up immediately - which, I guess is better than later and if it were green :). So, apparently he is either drinking too fast or not getting burped enough or some other wacky reason that changes based on which lactation consultant you talk to. Needless to say, we think things are getting better. He was just so lethargic over the past couple days, but after they put some saline into him throughout the morning, he has really perked back up. In fact, Amber just called me (I'm at home briefly to pick up some things - like Amber's pain meds! - that we obviously hadn't planned on taking with us yesterday) and said that the noon feeding went really well and he was really awake and alert. True to one of our nurses's words yesterday, now that he is more hydrated he's a whole different baby.

They also put him under blue tanning lights throughout the late night/morning to reduce his jaundice and bilirubin count, which also causes lethargy (a vicious cycle). We're waiting on the blood tests from that to see if it has gone down enough that they are comfortable to send us home. So, we may very likely come home tonight. Thankfully, my mom left Lafayette this morning and will get here late afternoon to help out. Not only is she a nurse who can help out with the childcare stuff (and like ensuring that our car seat is properly installed which I also didn't have time to do before he was born!!), but I know she'll be willing to help clean up the house and do the things we simply don't currently have the time or energy to do.

Thanks again for all of you who have posted on here or Facebook with words of encouragement, prayer, and simply asking for updates. It really means a TON to us, and we look forward to introducing you to our neat, little guy, Emerson. You'll really like him, I promise!

Another Hospital Visit

Well, Emerson hasn't been eating enough and had some other issues including some jaundice, which apparently I and all my brothers had as well. So, we made an appointment with our pediatrician first thing this morning and have been around doctors since 11AM this morning.

After meeting with our pediatrician, he sent us over to their other office to meet with the lactation consultant. She and the other staff members were extremely helpful, and told us we're doing everything right, but he's just not eating vigorously enough. So, combined with their other concerns, they thought it best to direct us to the ER at Children's Hospital where we've been now for 7 hours sitting in this little room.

We've tried to feed him on a few occasions but he keeps spitting it back up more and more each time and has a really upset look on his face about halfway through eating. So they're doing some blood work and in the meantime have him up to an IV...a four-day old up to an IV...some pretty hard veins to find!

As you can imagine, we're exhausted and haven't had any sleep all day. We're just hoping and praying they can figure out what's going on, and that he can eat and have bowel movements (Have you ever prayed to pee? It's a bit bizarre, but also a sobering reminder of how powerless you can be!).

Thankfully, we've had a few visitors. We've had some really hospitable nurses who have been very reassuring. Our friend Renee stopped by with dinner from Panera Bread. And there are two people who go to our church that work here at the Children's Hospital that have come in and spent some time with us. Others have called and offered to help but its difficult to think as to what they would do for us at the moment. We could, however, use some house elves from Hogwarts to take over all the chores but that's a bit difficult since we're jailed in at the ER....

So that's that. Hopefully we'll go home soon....

He's Here!

"Freedom has a scent like the top of a new born baby's head" - U2, "Miracle Drug"

Well, finally, after a very long pushing stage, we had the chance to see the new addition to our family. Amber's temperature started to rise near the end (as did her temper!). Even though she got an epidural, the pain of delivering was excruciating. By the end, Amber was just saying, "Can't you just pull him out or do something!?"

Because of Amber's temperature, they were a bit concerned about the baby's health, so the intensive care staff were asked to be present at the birth. Everything went extremely well on baby's end, and Emerson Bahler was born at 7:17PM, weighed 8lb 7oz, and was 22inches (we're still not sure where Amber was able to store that big of a kid in her belly!).

Amber, however, needed a lot of repair work, and, needless to say, it was a very long process. It took them 2.5 hours to stitch (and re-stitch) her. The pain medicine wasn't working, so they gave Amber more through the epidural and wound up giving her too much. So, she hit a point where she was losing feeling in her hands and even had trouble breathing. Her heart rate dropped, so they had to give her some other medicine to counteract that, which made her blood pressure shoot way up. By this time, Amber was looking pale white and shaking uncontrollably. Thankfully, our friend Kristin showed up around this time to just provide some TLC while I held baby. Nice.

After a couple hours of trying to stabilize her just right, the nurses and doctors were comfortable with where she was to get some rest from all the activity. The doctors hooked her up to some antibiotics and continued checking on her until 4AM when we were finally moved from the labor and delivery room.

This morning, we managed a few hours of sleep, but it has been hectic and frustrating trying to get acclimated to Emerson with doctors coming in every few minutes, machines beeping, and numerous pamphlets of information being shoved in our faces. We'll be happy when we can get home and don't feel so rushed.

But, now we have a little baby. And as the saying goes, that makes all the pain worth it, right?

I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the whole event. Not only is it an emotional roller coaster, combining lack of sleep, watching my wife go through so much pain (I now have a newfound respect for her!), and being introduced to a new child, but I have just been overwhelmed by all the love and support we have received so far (and thankful at the same time that we haven't been bombarded with a ton of visitors!). We had one nurse who was with us through the entire labor and as Emerson was crowning, her shift was up. She stayed overtime to be there until he was birthed and even came up to see us today. And dozens have already congratulated us over email/web/facebook (I also have a new and profound admiration for the benefits of facebook! How else can you tell everyone you know and love and appreciate the events of your life all at the same time!?

Almost There!!

Amber has been amazing. We worked through contractions at home until 3:45AM when I felt she had hit the 5-1-1 rule (contractions are five minutes apart, last for one minute each, and go for one hour). So, we've been at the hospital ever since. At about 9AM, she was exhausted since we hadn't slept all night. Plus, she was extremely nauseated and vomited twie. So Amber took a narcotic to sleep. So, I called our doula, and she was able to cover for me so I could sleep as Amber slept. Up to that point, I had slept for about 2 minutes between some of Amber's contractions (every other time, she would call me over just as I was ready to doze off). So, at this point, I'm up to an hour of sleep. Woohoo!

After a couple hours, the narcotic wore off and Amber was at about 6 cm dilated. She worked through a ton of really tough contractions that lasted a couple minutes long. fter that, she was really really exhausted by then, so, she asked for an epidural. After another trip on the vomit comet, the anesthesiologist arrived. Oddly enough, as soon as they laid her down with the epidural in place, she felt pressure on her rear. Good news!

So, here we are at 10cm. Amber has opted to just let the uterus contract on its own and rest before she starts pushing. By all estimations, everyone is healthy at this point, but there's more work to do!! Thanks for all your prayers and love and encouragement!

Here We Go!

After a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, we spent our Friday night just chilling watching an old movie we picked up at the library - Searching for Bobby Fischer.

Then, near the end of the movie, while I was searching Wikipedia to see the real story of Bobby Fischer (who died last year, if you were wondering...a very odd man), Amber's water broke.

That was around 10:30PM. Contractions started around 11:15 after a tenuous 30 minutes of checking for fetal movements. Now we're just chillin'... and need some sleep.

All My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready to Go

So, at our house these days, we're getting ready for the advent of baby Bahler. Last week was my spring break, so I had the opportunity to get a number of things finalized before the day. We packed our bag (well, more or less) in preparation for the time we'll be spending at the hospital, equipped with a digital camera with a 4GB memory card, clothes, a CD of tunes, the cord blood donation kit, baby's new clothes, and food for when the hospital cafeteria appears less than appetizing... which probably won't take much. There are still a number of things we have to do, but alas, there's just only so many things you can do in preparation for one of the most transforming events in one's life.

But, one thing we have done in preparation to welcoming him into our world is set up a nursery. It's not all that glamorous, but considering we're renting, we were pretty glad that our landlord let us paint and make the additions that we did. I guess we wound up with a sort of zoo theme. So, here are a few pics of the new items we've amassed to our ever-growing collection of stuff (aka, our contribution to the fledgling economy):

Finding God (Again) in Surprising Places

I also went to a worship service via Good Morning America this past week.

On Friday morning, U2 performed songs from their latest CD, “No Line on the Horizon” to a gigantic crowd at Fordham University in New York City. Five years after “How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb,” they’re at it again.

“The future needs a big kiss/Winds blows with a twist/Never seen a moon like this/Can you see it too?” These words from “Get on your Boots,” a grittier, kinda-feels-out-of-place-on-the-disc song (there’s always one – like “Vertigo” last time around), get the service started. A song that extols the beauty of humanity (“You don’t know how beautiful you are/You don’t know, and you don’t get it, do you?”) amidst the many wars and atrocities that face our globe (“Rockets at the fun fair/Satan loves a bomb scare…I got submarine/You got gasoline/I don’t want to talk about wars between nations”). A playful song, no doubt, but with some good lines that can easily blow by you if you’re just trying to have a good time: “Here's where we gotta be/Love and community/Laughter is eternity/If joy is real.” There was a man who once said he was “surprised” by Joy (his name was C.S. Lewis). And there in the grit, in the chiming chords, in the talk of wars and bombs, there’s a prayer: “Let me in the sound/Let me in the sound, now/God, I’m going down/I don’t wanna drown now”).

Then the four-some move to the soulful, “Magnificent,” echoing the sounds from one of their earliest hits, “Gloria.” This is simply and totally a worship song. “I was born/I was born to be with you.” In the next lines, Bono describes the existential life of the believer, filled with the uncertainty of what’s to come: “...In this space and time/After that and ever after I haven’t had a clue.”

The wounded love of the Savior dying for us on the cross wounds us as well. And yet, only in this deep wound is there the healing that we need, like the painful scrapings of Aslan’s claws on Eustace’s dragon scales in Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The chorus exclaims: “Only love, only love can leave such a mark/But only love, only love can heal such a scar.”

U2, which first formed in high school, cracked a few jokes to the Fordham crowd, joking that they were so happy they finally made it to college. But truly, Bono’s career has been marked with singing (and a whole lot of social activism!). He croons: “I was born to sing for you/I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up/And sing whatever song you wanted me to.” His talents are a gift from God. And so, in joyful thanks he offers these gifts back up to God: “I give you back my voice/From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise.” Sounds like an exegesis of Psalm 100.

The crowd is bathed in the lines of the chorus over and over again. Then, the song ends with the truth that, one day there will be a great gathering of people from every tribe and nation and tongue. It will be a gathering of festivities, celebration, thanksgiving, and most importantly, worship. “Justified till we die, you and I will magnify/The Magnificent/ Magnificent/ Magnificent.”

For the third song in the set, Bono prefaces it: “This song is dedicated to all of you college students, as I know this is probably the theme for most of you. Its called ‘I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight.” As the crowd roars, Bono looks up into the sky (he’s at a Catholic university), for a moment of confession: “No disrespect, Father.”

Phyllis Tickle, author of The Divine Hours, once said, “More theology is conveyed in, and retained from, one hour of popular television than from all the sermons that are also delivered on any given weekend in America’s synagogues, churches, and mosques.” If her perspective on pop culture is accurate (and oftentimes, I believe it is), Bono encapsulated all the books on apologetics in one line: “How can you stand next to the truth and not see it?” And yet, this song is also a song about doubt, about not being totally sure this life will meet its intended destination. Like Christian constantly being waylaid with doubt in Pilgrim’s Progress, the chorus rings: “It's not a hill, it's a mountain/As you start out the climb/Do you believe me, or are you doubting/We're gonna make it all the way to the light/But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight”

Each day, each step we take in this life, amidst the pain, the evil, the atrocities we see and hear of, amidst the dark nights of the soul, we tell ourselves, amidst all the constant assurances we receive, “I know I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight.” We’re all looking for the “part of me in the chaos that’s quiet.” Bono asks the question we’re all thinking: “Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear?” (…then why do I feel this way… then why did this happen?…). And yet, he knows what he doesn’t need are trite clichés or reminders that God will never leave you nor forsake you. He sings: “Baby, baby, baby, I know I’m not alone/Baby, baby, baby, I know I’m not alone.”

Ultimately, the answer again is an existential one: Our assurance is garnered when we live out the gospel, when we be the change in the world that we want to see, when we live as the ambassadors to the world Christ has called us to be: “Every generation gets a chance to change the world/Pity the nation that won't listen to your boys and girls… Oh, but a change of heart comes slow.”

After the songs, the band members sit down for some Q&A. One of the hosts of GMA asked, “How is it, that, amidst all these rough times, these economic struggles, you can sings songs with such a good message, with such positive energy?”

Bono responds, “You know, Gospel music is great, but we prefer to sing music that is honest. Rock ‘n Roll always involves a bit of the Blues.”

A bit of a critique of Gospel/CCM… but a true one. I mean, really. This past week, I decided to check out some CDs from the library of a few recent albums of ‘Christian’ bands I used to listen to when I was in high school. Needless to say, I gave the discs one listen while I was cleaning the bathroom.

After the interview ended, U2 provided the crowd and viewers one more song: "It’s a Beautiful Day." And, indeed, it was.

Finding God in Surprising Places

This week, I heard a sermon on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

Honestly, I have never watched Craig Ferguson’s show before. But on Wednesday night, I couldn’t sleep, and besides, I had a motivation to stay up and watch U2 perform on Letterman (which was totally worth it). And there on the Late Late show, of all people, was Archibishop Desmond Tutu. After a brief history of apartheid by Craig Ferguson (which was, surprisingly funny without being inappropriate), this tiny 79 year-old man with a foot-long cross dangling from his neck came upon the stage to a standing ovation from the crowd. This tiny man is one of the most influential figures in the world alive today… and he’s being interviewed by Craig Ferguson.

Actually, Ferguson proved to be more theologically knowledgeable than I (or perhaps anyone) suspected. There, as they talked about all the horrific events Tutu has witnessed and condemned—apartheid in South Africa, visiting Darfur, and condemning the leadership of Zimbabwe’s President Mugabe—the two of them catapulted into a conversation about theodicy.

Ferguson: “How is it that you can keep your faith amidst all the horrible things that happen in the world.”

Tutu: “There are a lot of horrible things that have happened in the world, but one must remember that there is a whole lot of good. And there are many beautiful, remarkable people in the world. We must remember that evil is not how the world is supposed to be.”

Ferguson: “Isn’t that what Thomas Aquinas believed, that man is inherently good and that evil is an aberration.”

Tutu: “Yes… The way to deal with evil in the world is not to dismiss it as if it were not an issue. We must name ghastly events for what they are. There is no getting around that putting people into gas chambers are a horrible thing. But the way I see it, so often, in the moments in which evil seems to be so great, there too are moments of good and beauty.”

Tutu went on to tell remarkable stories of humanitarian aid workers in Sudan who have come back for third and fourth and fifth visits, of Africans living in total squalor who can still put a smile on their face, and stories from South Africa that came out of the Truth and Reconciliation Committee.

Ferguson: “Tell us about the Truth and Reconciliation Committee. What was its motivation?”

Tutu: “The Truth and Reconciliation Committee was formed with two principles in mind. First, in Africa, we believe that our lives are inherently enmeshed with one another. No one lives or learns in isolation, as just an individual. I could not learn to talk, or even walk, without you. So then, when you perform an act upon another that dehumanizes them, you simultaneously dehumanize yourself. That cycle of dehumanization needed to stop. Second, we wanted to create space for people talk, to share their story, and most importantly to ask for forgiveness.

“Sometimes, it helps tremendously when you have gone through a horrible incident to simply talk out loud, to share it with someone else, and we often forget that. I remember a boy who came to us and who shared his story about how the police took out his eyes during an interrogation. After this blind boy shared, I asked him, ‘How do you feel now?’ And he said, with a big smile across his face, ‘You have given me my eyes back.’

“And then, there is the power of forgiveness. If you ever fight with your wife—not that I’m saying you ever do [Ferguson laughs and asks, ‘Do you ever fight with your wife?’ And receives a glare from Tutu. Ferguson responds, ‘Ok. I’m sorry, I went too far!]—you know that if you don’t make it right, a knot forms in the pit of your ‘tum tum.’ The hardest two words in any language are, ‘I’m sorry.’ If you don’t say those words after that fight, that marriage will not last. Forgiveness is absolutely necessary for any relationship or society to survive.

“There was a woman who came to us to share her story with the committee—a white woman, not all the victims were black. This woman was at a Christmas party and someone threw a grenade into the house, and it left her in the hospital for many, many months. Afterwards, she said, ‘I want to share my story, and I want to meet my perpetrator. I want to forgive him. And I want to ask for his forgiveness too.' Now I bet that you find that hard to believe.”

Ferguson didn’t have to say anything (although he did). It was written all over his face—as it is written on all of ours. The Gospel is hard to understand because it turns our world and its economy on its head. We believe, in such instances, forgiveness and reconciliation are impossible. And they are. To break the cycle of logic of karma, of what goes around comes around, I scratch your back you scratch mine, of pride and the desire for revenge, is indeed, incomprehensible. But miracles happen every day.