One Week Down... and the Life of Being Vicariously Pregnant

Well, school has officially begun, and I can't say how happy I am that Friday is here. Not that that means my life will slow down... I fly out tomorrow morning to Seattle to present at a philosophy conference (at least I'll be staying with my brother, Bryce!) and will be there until Tuesday. But at least I made it through the first week of getting acclimated to my new classes (I think Latin's going to kick my butt), new schedule, new job (which rocks except that I feel cross-eyed by the end of the day from reading so much!), actually waking up in the morning, doing homework, and somehow amidst all of that, trying to keep our house in order and take care of my sick wife.

Speaking of, it seems like Amber's found a new diet - morning sickness - well, at least for the next few weeks. Then (at least we expect... unless someone's playing a really nasty trick on us or Amber contracted some weird virus in Mexico that sat dormant in her system for 8 months) that little thing inside her that's currently the size of a kumquat will start to grow and as will she. But seriously, there should be a primer on the first trimester of pregnancy that details all the things that will happen that no one ever tells you. Things like:

1. It's absolutely normal that when you find out you're pregnant and call your OB/GYN/Midwife/etc about the biggest news of your life, they'll/she'll say, "Nice. I'll see you in 12 weeks."
2. Puking up stomach acid comes with the territory. If your husband, eagerly desiring to be the knight in shining armor he's always desired to be, volunteers to help dispose of the contents of the puke bucket ("Mr. Bucket, he's so much fun...") make sure to warn him of the knock-you-off-your-feet-disdainfully-noxious smell.
3. It's OK you're losing weight (you'll gain it back soon enough!). Don't worry, the baby will take whatever it needs (which may lead to loss of bone mass, tooth cavities, extreme loss of strength...).
4. Once you finally find something you can eat without throwing it up, the first trimester will finally be over and then you'll be eating everything in sight.
5. Your parents will be more excited than you. The first time you come home after the news, they will already have bought something for the baby.
6. There's a reason why God made it last nine months (did you know it's actually ten?). Never mind, all the time in the world won't make you ready for being a parent.
7. Milk it up for all its worth. People will pity you. Even if you forget to pay your local taxes on time, you can take your payment in late and blame it on your pregnant wife and they'll take it with an empathetic smile.
8. When morning sickness sets in, don't be surprised at the odd looks on your husband's face. That's just the look of utter bewilderment and having absolutely no clue what to do next.
9. Husbands, don't be surprised if your wife suddenly has an eager craving to eat some kind of food and then, after you've made it for her, she's no longer interested because the thought of it churns her stomach.
10. Compare the nutrition facts of the neonatal vitamins you bought with the kind you already have and ask yourself, "Now why did I have to pay double the cost for these if they almost EXACTLY the same?"

A Brief Respite Before the Chaos

Upon returning to Pittsburgh after my brother's wedding, Amber and I spent a day unpacking, washing clothes, and repacking in preparation for a short vacation to Virginia Beach (about a 7.5 hr drive from Pittsburgh). We stayed at the La Quinta Inn just two blocks from the oceanfront and had a great time taking it easy for a few days. We spent a lot of time just hanging out in the hotel and taking advantage of cable TV, mostly watching the Olympics. We found a couple local restaurants that were outstanding. The first day we were there, we visited historic Cape Henry, which is now a military base (they had to search our car before we were let in) but is known in the history books as the site the Jamestown settlers first landed in the Americas as well as the site of an importan naval battle between the French and British during our Revolutionary War. Nearby, is First Landing State Park, where we entered and hiked through a nature filled with swampland and spanish moss. It wasn't the greatest hike we've taken (particularl all the mosquito bites we received), but I did see a few interesting things along the way. That night, we rented one of those family, side-by-side bicycles, which was a lot of fun (they're very hard to turn, I might add) just strolling along the boardwalk, people watching, and looking out at the ocean.

The next day, we spent a few hours out at the beach. The water was quite warm, and while Amber lounged in a chair on the sand, I spent some time diving over some waves. At one point, I found a boogie board in the trash can with a picture of Spiderman on it with the title "Spiderman 2" on it (We saw some 5 year-olds with "Spiderman 3" mini-boogie boards. Ha!) and had some fun with that for a while, until the lifeguard kept blowing her whistle at me for being too far out... which she usually did to ten year olds. Apparently, Amber was right when she said, "As soon as you got that Spiderman boogie board in your hand, you decreased your age by about ten years." Then, by the time we got back to the hotel, I had discovered that the sun tan lotion I had used - which had expired - did absolutely no good. So, needless to say, I'm in a bit of pain in those areas of my body that rarely see the light of day.

That night, we took a ride on a boat to go dolphin watching. It wasn't long before we saw dozens of dolphins swimming around, quite active at sunset and surprisingly close to shore. They were extremely difficult to take pictures of, but I think I managed at least a couple that proved we actually saw some.

On our last day, we made plans to make a few stops on the way home, but only managed to stop at one of them. We had planned to stop at Jamestown, but Amber was feeling a particular high degree of morning sickness, so we decided to skip it (it appeared to have been made into a kind of tourist trap anyways). We did manage to stop at the site of the Battle of Fredericksburg, one of the Union armies worst losses during the Civil War. Unfortunately, the battlefield is one of the worst preserved historic sites, as most of the field where the battle occurred is now covered with new streets and housing. However, what was offered in the museum and on the free tour was enjoyable for me (while sick Amber sat in the car), and there was one house on the Confederate lines still standing that still bears evidence of the battle with its bullet holes.

Catching up With Old Friends

August is the month for weddings, as was the case for us. A couple weeks ago, Amber was a bridesmaid for an old friend's wedding back in Lafayette. And this weekend, we were back in our hometown of Lafayette, IN for my brother Brant's wedding. Between the few days we had to spend, I had a great chance to catch up with many old friends and relatives I rarely see (In addition to a short stop in Indianapolis on the way to chat with our friend Beth and go to the State Fair with Dennis and Heidi!... I think we got sick from the greasy food and milkshakes...). There were many conversations to be had hanging around the campfire with my brothers late at night, at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and the occasional activity with old family friends. We had hoped to see many more people on the trip, but alas, one never quite gets around to all the things they hope to do - especially when mom is having the rehearsal dinner at her place so she can have her boys repaint the deck railings and clean up the house :).

Amidst all the many conversations, the thought often occurred to me that I have changed so much since I used to hang out with these people. Coming back home these days is often a bittersweet time, as I know my views about many issues regarding politics, religion, and all the other topics one isn't supposed to talk about have become a sharp contrast to many I know in Lafayette. It doesn't help either that it seems that everyone's regard towards me (I call it the "spirituality meter") instantly lowers when they find out I'm not in vocational ministry anymore, lowers some more when they hear I'm in grad school and not in seminary, and hits an all-time low when they find out I'm studying philosophy. At this point, I have to work hard to reassure them that I haven't caved into the "worldly, relativistic thinking of secular humanism" (when did philosophy get automatically equated with secular humanism? Before or after the Apostle Paul quoted Greek philosophers?) and provide some explanation for why a Christian should study philosophy.

And yet, I was amazed at the number of conversations I had with old schoolmates and cousins my age that were surprised - even excited - to see the changes that have occurred over the course of the last few years of my life. Several cousins were encouraged by my academic pursuits and honestly confided with me that they too struggled with many similar issues as they've grown in their faith and matured in life. In fact, I ran into two old friends - guys I've known for nearly twenty years and went to school with from 3rd-8th grade - who, after talking to me for a few minutes were simply ecstatic that they had had the chance to catch up with me. One of them said, "Man, I haven't talked to you in three years, and I love you already."

Back in high school and college, my relationship with these two guys gradually drifted as we pursued different "interests." I, being the "spiritual" person that I was, religiously went to youth group, led Bible studies and prayer groups, and answered the "call" to full-time vocational ministry, while my two friends ran around with the "wrong" crowd and made unwise decisions. What could have made my two friends so happy to hang out with me now? And then the thought occurred to me that one of the biggest changes that has come about in my life over these past few years is that I have (at least I think I have) gradually let go of much of my self-righteous, judgmental, condemnatory airs and attitudes. I drove these guys away in the past because I was such an arrogant jerk, and now they're finally interested to be around me now that they can see that I recognize I'm human just like everyone else.

Funny how the timing is, but another old friend commented on my blog about this very topic of how I've changed over the years and asked me this question: "Do you ever wish you could go back and talk to the person you once were? And as follow-up, do you think he would listen?" I have to say that YES, many times I wish I could go back to the person I was in high school. I wish I could tell him to take things less seriously, to not be such a self-righteous hard ass, to treat people with respect and grace when they have differing views from yourself, to pursue truth with humble hands open, and to realize that the world's not as black and white and the answers aren't as clear cut as I would like them to be. But alas, I highly doubt I would have listened. I was too confident I had all the right answers back then.

How would you answer these questions?

In other brief news, Amber's pregnancy seems to be going well... aside from the not-just-contained-to-the-morning sickness she's been having. Every day is a small adventure of getting up, lounging around not too far from the puke bucket, trying to find something to eat that doesn't churn her stomach at its mention, and putting up with large amounts of fatigue. Hopefully, the "morning sickness" will end at the end of the first tri-mester which should be around the end of August - which will be good timing as school and work start back up for both of us at full force at that time.

And then there's our garden. The garden still continues to produce fruit, but its had a few setbacks. First, some of the yellow squash plants got hit hard with squash vine borers and have pretty much kicked the bucket, although there's still one going on very strong (this is probably a good thing, as Amber is the one who really likes squash and it doesn't sound good to her at all at the moment). Then, the tomatoes have been extremely slow in turning red as we've had an unusually mild August. We've only had two ripe tomoatoes so far and one other that's starting to ripen on the vine. We also have some green peppers that are finally starting to come along that we hope will be ready for the picking after our brief vacation to Virginia Beach (we're leaving tomorrow... and get back just in time for the start of the school year!). AND.... now the mystery plant growing out of our garden is starting to bear fruit. And it's definitely not a cucumber! A watermelon??

Jesus for President and...

"Then an odd thought occurred to me: What if the Amish were in charge of the war on terror? What if, on the evening of Sept. 12, 2001, we had gone to Osama bin Laden’s house (metaphorically, of course, since we didn’t know where he lived!) and offered him forgiveness? What if we had invited the families of the hijackers to the funerals of the victims of 9/11? What if a portion of The September 11th Fund had been dedicated to relieving poverty in a Muslim country? What if we dignified the burial of their dead by our respectful grief?

"What if, instead of seeking vengeance, we had stood together in human pain, looking honestly at the shared sin and sadness we suffered? What if we had tried to make peace?

"So, here’s my modest proposal. We’re five years too late for an Amish response to 9/11. But maybe we should ask them to take over the Department of Homeland Security. After all, actively practicing forgiveness and making peace are the only real alternatives to perpetual fear and a multi-generational global religious war.

"I can’t imagine any other path to true security. And nobody else can figure out what to do to end this insane war. Why not try the Christian practice of forgiveness? If it worked in Lancaster, maybe it will work in Baghdad, too." - Diana Butler Bass

A month or so ago, I began reading Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw, a book written to point out all the many reasons why Jesus would never run for President. If you want your faith strengthened, your mind stretched, and your ideologies questioned, I highly recommend this book. But I warn you, you may wind up becoming a pacifistic, Jesus-loving environmentalist who is convinced that America, with its debt and greed-driven capitalism (Fannie Mae? Fannie Mac? $5 Trillion of Debt? Need I say more?) and foreign policy (which has led to the death of 1 million Iraqis since 2003), is not the hope the world has been waiting for but Jesus alone - lived out by a Community of people serious enough to follow in his leading. Heck, read the book for its sheer accessibility and enjoyability (the book is full of artwork, quotes from a vast diversity of people, and is quite easy to read).

From My Present Reading...

Father Zossima to Alyosha Karmazov and the other monks while lying on his deathbed in Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov:

"Love one another, Fathers... Love God's people. We are not holier than the laymen because we have come here and shut ourselves up within these walls, but, on the contrary, everyone who has come here has by the very fact of his coming here acknowledged that he is worse than all the worldly and than all men and all things on earth... And the longer the monk lives within the walls of his monastery, the more deeply must he be conscious of that. For otherwise he would have had no reason for coming here at all. But when he realizes that he is not only worse than all the worldly, but that he's responsbile to all men for all people and all things, for all human sins, universal and individual - only then will the aim or our seculsion be achieved. For you must know, beloved, that each one of us is beyond all question responsible for all men and all things on earth, not only because of the general transgressions of the world, but each one individually for all men and every single man on this earth. This realization is the crown of a monk's way of life, and, indeed of every man on earth. For a monk is not a different kind of man, but merely such as all men on earth ought to be. It is only then that our hearts will be moved to a love that is infinite and universal and that knows no surfeit. It is then that each of you will have the power to gain the world by love and wash away the sins fo the world by his tears..."

A couple comments: First, this quotation reminds of a comment my first pastor once made to me when I was about 18 years old and gaining a keen interest in the practice of spiritual disciplines. He said to this effect: "A person doesn't fast or practice solitude because they're holy or more spiritual than the rest. On the contrary, the practice of spiritual disciplines is the result of a realization that something in you needs purging, and therefore, should provoke a spirit of humility rather than spiritual pride." So too it seems with any kind of "spiritual" position - be it monks, nuns, priests, pastors, evangelists, or any kind of "full-time vocational ministry" position. For a long time, I was told (both explicitly and subliminally by the words and actions of others) that full-time ministry was not only an honourable vocation that requires great responsibility (which of course is true) but one that is to be given high regard because those in ministry are more spiritual, closer to God, etc. It is this second point I have a problem although it is an extremely common mindset within the Christian bubble. Not only does it create a hierarchy of importance within the church (one that has been carried on since Tertullian named the common people "plebs" [nobodies] and clergy "ords" [those of order/power], I might add), but it grates against the very mindset of Jesus, who, famously said, "The first will be last and the last will be first." Should it come as any surprise that this is one of the most recorded phrases by Jesus ... and that we in the Church are prone to liken our definition of leadership to that of the world than what Jesus taught?

Perhaps, like Father Zossima, has said, those in "Christian ministry" (I put that in " " because all of life no matter one's vocation is supposed to be an opportunity to show the love of Christ, and hence, do ministry - or be a minister), are actually the weaker ones. They are the ones too weak to deal with the temptations of the world, too weak to deal with the many gray issues and ethical dilemmas that face us in a world of global atrocities and concerns far too many to list. Maybe its the secluded "spiritual" people of the world who sometimes need the Gospel preached to them by the "worldly" - that gospel that promises to bring good news to the poor, the sick, the imprisoned, the hurting, the despised, the forgotten, the people at the margins of society.

And a second point: Zossima's statement, "For you must know, beloved, that each one of us is beyond all question responsible for all men and all things on earth," is an oft-quoted line by Jewish philosopher Emmanuel Levinas (one of my favorite contemporary thinkers, I might add). Levinas, in both his philosophical and theological writings, was highly critical of mysticism, or perhaps at what it had become. His critique was aimed at the mystic claim one could have a personal encounter with God, a one-on-one relationship, as if one could live alone on an island constantly communing with God in order to achieve his purpose in the world. The natural outcome of such a view results in a complete forgetting of the Other, of ethics, of our responsibility towards our neighbor - of a complete forgetting of 1 John's exhorting that one cannot love God if he hates his brother. Consequently, spiritual disciplines - and most of systematic theology for that matter - has become cut off from its very purpose of existence - of enhancing our love and ministry to those God has placed in our lives. The only true setting for the solitary kind of spiritual disciplines - we shouldn't eradicate them completely! - is in their use to prepare us and accentuate our interaction with others. As Levinas said, “Interior piety is always subordinated to its social form. One is always three, never two” [I.E., there's no such thing as a one-on-one personal relationship with God - it always involves our relationship with our neighbor, with justice, with love.]