One Week Down... and the Life of Being Vicariously Pregnant

Well, school has officially begun, and I can't say how happy I am that Friday is here. Not that that means my life will slow down... I fly out tomorrow morning to Seattle to present at a philosophy conference (at least I'll be staying with my brother, Bryce!) and will be there until Tuesday. But at least I made it through the first week of getting acclimated to my new classes (I think Latin's going to kick my butt), new schedule, new job (which rocks except that I feel cross-eyed by the end of the day from reading so much!), actually waking up in the morning, doing homework, and somehow amidst all of that, trying to keep our house in order and take care of my sick wife.

Speaking of, it seems like Amber's found a new diet - morning sickness - well, at least for the next few weeks. Then (at least we expect... unless someone's playing a really nasty trick on us or Amber contracted some weird virus in Mexico that sat dormant in her system for 8 months) that little thing inside her that's currently the size of a kumquat will start to grow and as will she. But seriously, there should be a primer on the first trimester of pregnancy that details all the things that will happen that no one ever tells you. Things like:

1. It's absolutely normal that when you find out you're pregnant and call your OB/GYN/Midwife/etc about the biggest news of your life, they'll/she'll say, "Nice. I'll see you in 12 weeks."
2. Puking up stomach acid comes with the territory. If your husband, eagerly desiring to be the knight in shining armor he's always desired to be, volunteers to help dispose of the contents of the puke bucket ("Mr. Bucket, he's so much fun...") make sure to warn him of the knock-you-off-your-feet-disdainfully-noxious smell.
3. It's OK you're losing weight (you'll gain it back soon enough!). Don't worry, the baby will take whatever it needs (which may lead to loss of bone mass, tooth cavities, extreme loss of strength...).
4. Once you finally find something you can eat without throwing it up, the first trimester will finally be over and then you'll be eating everything in sight.
5. Your parents will be more excited than you. The first time you come home after the news, they will already have bought something for the baby.
6. There's a reason why God made it last nine months (did you know it's actually ten?). Never mind, all the time in the world won't make you ready for being a parent.
7. Milk it up for all its worth. People will pity you. Even if you forget to pay your local taxes on time, you can take your payment in late and blame it on your pregnant wife and they'll take it with an empathetic smile.
8. When morning sickness sets in, don't be surprised at the odd looks on your husband's face. That's just the look of utter bewilderment and having absolutely no clue what to do next.
9. Husbands, don't be surprised if your wife suddenly has an eager craving to eat some kind of food and then, after you've made it for her, she's no longer interested because the thought of it churns her stomach.
10. Compare the nutrition facts of the neonatal vitamins you bought with the kind you already have and ask yourself, "Now why did I have to pay double the cost for these if they almost EXACTLY the same?"