Catching up With Old Friends

August is the month for weddings, as was the case for us. A couple weeks ago, Amber was a bridesmaid for an old friend's wedding back in Lafayette. And this weekend, we were back in our hometown of Lafayette, IN for my brother Brant's wedding. Between the few days we had to spend, I had a great chance to catch up with many old friends and relatives I rarely see (In addition to a short stop in Indianapolis on the way to chat with our friend Beth and go to the State Fair with Dennis and Heidi!... I think we got sick from the greasy food and milkshakes...). There were many conversations to be had hanging around the campfire with my brothers late at night, at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding reception, and the occasional activity with old family friends. We had hoped to see many more people on the trip, but alas, one never quite gets around to all the things they hope to do - especially when mom is having the rehearsal dinner at her place so she can have her boys repaint the deck railings and clean up the house :).

Amidst all the many conversations, the thought often occurred to me that I have changed so much since I used to hang out with these people. Coming back home these days is often a bittersweet time, as I know my views about many issues regarding politics, religion, and all the other topics one isn't supposed to talk about have become a sharp contrast to many I know in Lafayette. It doesn't help either that it seems that everyone's regard towards me (I call it the "spirituality meter") instantly lowers when they find out I'm not in vocational ministry anymore, lowers some more when they hear I'm in grad school and not in seminary, and hits an all-time low when they find out I'm studying philosophy. At this point, I have to work hard to reassure them that I haven't caved into the "worldly, relativistic thinking of secular humanism" (when did philosophy get automatically equated with secular humanism? Before or after the Apostle Paul quoted Greek philosophers?) and provide some explanation for why a Christian should study philosophy.

And yet, I was amazed at the number of conversations I had with old schoolmates and cousins my age that were surprised - even excited - to see the changes that have occurred over the course of the last few years of my life. Several cousins were encouraged by my academic pursuits and honestly confided with me that they too struggled with many similar issues as they've grown in their faith and matured in life. In fact, I ran into two old friends - guys I've known for nearly twenty years and went to school with from 3rd-8th grade - who, after talking to me for a few minutes were simply ecstatic that they had had the chance to catch up with me. One of them said, "Man, I haven't talked to you in three years, and I love you already."

Back in high school and college, my relationship with these two guys gradually drifted as we pursued different "interests." I, being the "spiritual" person that I was, religiously went to youth group, led Bible studies and prayer groups, and answered the "call" to full-time vocational ministry, while my two friends ran around with the "wrong" crowd and made unwise decisions. What could have made my two friends so happy to hang out with me now? And then the thought occurred to me that one of the biggest changes that has come about in my life over these past few years is that I have (at least I think I have) gradually let go of much of my self-righteous, judgmental, condemnatory airs and attitudes. I drove these guys away in the past because I was such an arrogant jerk, and now they're finally interested to be around me now that they can see that I recognize I'm human just like everyone else.

Funny how the timing is, but another old friend commented on my blog about this very topic of how I've changed over the years and asked me this question: "Do you ever wish you could go back and talk to the person you once were? And as follow-up, do you think he would listen?" I have to say that YES, many times I wish I could go back to the person I was in high school. I wish I could tell him to take things less seriously, to not be such a self-righteous hard ass, to treat people with respect and grace when they have differing views from yourself, to pursue truth with humble hands open, and to realize that the world's not as black and white and the answers aren't as clear cut as I would like them to be. But alas, I highly doubt I would have listened. I was too confident I had all the right answers back then.

How would you answer these questions?

In other brief news, Amber's pregnancy seems to be going well... aside from the not-just-contained-to-the-morning sickness she's been having. Every day is a small adventure of getting up, lounging around not too far from the puke bucket, trying to find something to eat that doesn't churn her stomach at its mention, and putting up with large amounts of fatigue. Hopefully, the "morning sickness" will end at the end of the first tri-mester which should be around the end of August - which will be good timing as school and work start back up for both of us at full force at that time.

And then there's our garden. The garden still continues to produce fruit, but its had a few setbacks. First, some of the yellow squash plants got hit hard with squash vine borers and have pretty much kicked the bucket, although there's still one going on very strong (this is probably a good thing, as Amber is the one who really likes squash and it doesn't sound good to her at all at the moment). Then, the tomatoes have been extremely slow in turning red as we've had an unusually mild August. We've only had two ripe tomoatoes so far and one other that's starting to ripen on the vine. We also have some green peppers that are finally starting to come along that we hope will be ready for the picking after our brief vacation to Virginia Beach (we're leaving tomorrow... and get back just in time for the start of the school year!). AND.... now the mystery plant growing out of our garden is starting to bear fruit. And it's definitely not a cucumber! A watermelon??

Jesus for President and...

"Then an odd thought occurred to me: What if the Amish were in charge of the war on terror? What if, on the evening of Sept. 12, 2001, we had gone to Osama bin Laden’s house (metaphorically, of course, since we didn’t know where he lived!) and offered him forgiveness? What if we had invited the families of the hijackers to the funerals of the victims of 9/11? What if a portion of The September 11th Fund had been dedicated to relieving poverty in a Muslim country? What if we dignified the burial of their dead by our respectful grief?

"What if, instead of seeking vengeance, we had stood together in human pain, looking honestly at the shared sin and sadness we suffered? What if we had tried to make peace?

"So, here’s my modest proposal. We’re five years too late for an Amish response to 9/11. But maybe we should ask them to take over the Department of Homeland Security. After all, actively practicing forgiveness and making peace are the only real alternatives to perpetual fear and a multi-generational global religious war.

"I can’t imagine any other path to true security. And nobody else can figure out what to do to end this insane war. Why not try the Christian practice of forgiveness? If it worked in Lancaster, maybe it will work in Baghdad, too." - Diana Butler Bass

A month or so ago, I began reading Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw, a book written to point out all the many reasons why Jesus would never run for President. If you want your faith strengthened, your mind stretched, and your ideologies questioned, I highly recommend this book. But I warn you, you may wind up becoming a pacifistic, Jesus-loving environmentalist who is convinced that America, with its debt and greed-driven capitalism (Fannie Mae? Fannie Mac? $5 Trillion of Debt? Need I say more?) and foreign policy (which has led to the death of 1 million Iraqis since 2003), is not the hope the world has been waiting for but Jesus alone - lived out by a Community of people serious enough to follow in his leading. Heck, read the book for its sheer accessibility and enjoyability (the book is full of artwork, quotes from a vast diversity of people, and is quite easy to read).

From My Present Reading...

Father Zossima to Alyosha Karmazov and the other monks while lying on his deathbed in Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov:

"Love one another, Fathers... Love God's people. We are not holier than the laymen because we have come here and shut ourselves up within these walls, but, on the contrary, everyone who has come here has by the very fact of his coming here acknowledged that he is worse than all the worldly and than all men and all things on earth... And the longer the monk lives within the walls of his monastery, the more deeply must he be conscious of that. For otherwise he would have had no reason for coming here at all. But when he realizes that he is not only worse than all the worldly, but that he's responsbile to all men for all people and all things, for all human sins, universal and individual - only then will the aim or our seculsion be achieved. For you must know, beloved, that each one of us is beyond all question responsible for all men and all things on earth, not only because of the general transgressions of the world, but each one individually for all men and every single man on this earth. This realization is the crown of a monk's way of life, and, indeed of every man on earth. For a monk is not a different kind of man, but merely such as all men on earth ought to be. It is only then that our hearts will be moved to a love that is infinite and universal and that knows no surfeit. It is then that each of you will have the power to gain the world by love and wash away the sins fo the world by his tears..."

A couple comments: First, this quotation reminds of a comment my first pastor once made to me when I was about 18 years old and gaining a keen interest in the practice of spiritual disciplines. He said to this effect: "A person doesn't fast or practice solitude because they're holy or more spiritual than the rest. On the contrary, the practice of spiritual disciplines is the result of a realization that something in you needs purging, and therefore, should provoke a spirit of humility rather than spiritual pride." So too it seems with any kind of "spiritual" position - be it monks, nuns, priests, pastors, evangelists, or any kind of "full-time vocational ministry" position. For a long time, I was told (both explicitly and subliminally by the words and actions of others) that full-time ministry was not only an honourable vocation that requires great responsibility (which of course is true) but one that is to be given high regard because those in ministry are more spiritual, closer to God, etc. It is this second point I have a problem although it is an extremely common mindset within the Christian bubble. Not only does it create a hierarchy of importance within the church (one that has been carried on since Tertullian named the common people "plebs" [nobodies] and clergy "ords" [those of order/power], I might add), but it grates against the very mindset of Jesus, who, famously said, "The first will be last and the last will be first." Should it come as any surprise that this is one of the most recorded phrases by Jesus ... and that we in the Church are prone to liken our definition of leadership to that of the world than what Jesus taught?

Perhaps, like Father Zossima, has said, those in "Christian ministry" (I put that in " " because all of life no matter one's vocation is supposed to be an opportunity to show the love of Christ, and hence, do ministry - or be a minister), are actually the weaker ones. They are the ones too weak to deal with the temptations of the world, too weak to deal with the many gray issues and ethical dilemmas that face us in a world of global atrocities and concerns far too many to list. Maybe its the secluded "spiritual" people of the world who sometimes need the Gospel preached to them by the "worldly" - that gospel that promises to bring good news to the poor, the sick, the imprisoned, the hurting, the despised, the forgotten, the people at the margins of society.

And a second point: Zossima's statement, "For you must know, beloved, that each one of us is beyond all question responsible for all men and all things on earth," is an oft-quoted line by Jewish philosopher Emmanuel Levinas (one of my favorite contemporary thinkers, I might add). Levinas, in both his philosophical and theological writings, was highly critical of mysticism, or perhaps at what it had become. His critique was aimed at the mystic claim one could have a personal encounter with God, a one-on-one relationship, as if one could live alone on an island constantly communing with God in order to achieve his purpose in the world. The natural outcome of such a view results in a complete forgetting of the Other, of ethics, of our responsibility towards our neighbor - of a complete forgetting of 1 John's exhorting that one cannot love God if he hates his brother. Consequently, spiritual disciplines - and most of systematic theology for that matter - has become cut off from its very purpose of existence - of enhancing our love and ministry to those God has placed in our lives. The only true setting for the solitary kind of spiritual disciplines - we shouldn't eradicate them completely! - is in their use to prepare us and accentuate our interaction with others. As Levinas said, “Interior piety is always subordinated to its social form. One is always three, never two” [I.E., there's no such thing as a one-on-one personal relationship with God - it always involves our relationship with our neighbor, with justice, with love.]

Some Say a Picture's Worth a Thousand Words...

...but for this one, I'm relatively speechless.

Oh shit.

I guess the yellow squash was just practice.

Mutant Fruit and Mystery Plants

Well, we are finally getting some fruit out of our garden with the squash plants as our winner. There are several cucumbers, but they've been a bit slow going and could use a couple more days. And then there's our first zucchini (Amber just told me we now have three). Other than that, we have flowering buds on our tomato plants and some good signs from our peppers but nothing to get too excited about.

In keeping with the Old Testament notion of giving the firstfruits, I had to come up with someone to give our first squash too (Amber thought this was extremely weird). So, I finally decided to give it to one our pastors who has his own amazing garden and is heading up our church's urban farm. In fact, the night I picked our first result (last Friday), the urban farming initiative in Pittsburgh was having a fundraiser at a local bar. So, I took my fresh squash with me and offered it to my pastor and let him know I self-pollinated it too - which he thought was hilarious, and a person who overheard what I said, high-fived me and said, "Well give him a cigar!"

In the process we've managed to have some curious results. First, a couple weeks ago we noticed a plant was growing out of our compost pile - not a bad place to grow, mind you, as the soil there is probably the best out of our entire back yard. Nonetheless, we're not quite sure how the seeds go there and aren't 100% positive what the plant actually is. However, from the looks of it, the plant is probably a cucumber seed and must have gotten there as a result of us throwing some scrap piece of cucumber on the compost pile some time ago. Additionally, we acquired an odd looking squash fruit that managed to, so it seems, allow a whole new stem of the plant grow along with it right down its side. Not actually sure how this happened, and I've never seen it before, but perhaps it was the result of some wacky cross-pollination I did when trying to self-pollinate the plants!

The Worth of a Pair of Boots

This past Saturday, we were to meet Amber's parents on the other side of Pittsburgh to give her mom a pair of boots she left at our house the weekend before. These weren't just any boots, but were the boots she wears when they go on motorcycle trips, and they were just getting ready to ride down to North Carolina.

So, I hurried Amber out the door (as we were already running late), only to realize ten minutes later that we had forgotten the boots! We turned around, picked up the boots, and went through a little deja vu experience and were on our way. Then, we got to the interstate. Apparently, Pittsburgh has this lovely concept that they like to do ALL their road construction on weekends to avoid it getting in the way of people traveling to work during the week. Well, it wouldn't be such a bad idea if they didn't work on every highway at the same time AND closed them off down to one lane - AND gave some more forewarning to everyone who utilizes these roads a bit earlier than the 11:00 news the night before.

So, needless to say, we found ourselves in a sea of traffic. This was, of course, quite ironic given the signs we saw on the interstate reminding us it was "nozone action day" and to limit our fuel consumption. Traffic was going so slow, cars were pulling off wherever they could as they were overheating or running out of gas. When all was said in done, what should have been a 25-30 minute drive took us almost 3 hours and 1/4 tank of gas... our entire Saturday afternoon spent sitting in traffic. Grr...

At least Amber's mom rewarded us with buying us lunch afterward and naming me the best son in law in the universe (of course, Amber's an only child, so I'm guessing she doesn't have much to compare me to). Nevertheless, right now, I'm in the middle of preparing material for the twelve schools I'm applying to for PhD programs; And if I get an offer from a school outside of Pittsburgh on a day I'm stuck in traffic, I think I'll be pretty motivated to take it.

The Firstfruits

Over the past two weeks, we’ve seen some tremendous growth in our garden. The lettuce is tall enough we can cut and eat; our zucchini, squash, and cucumber plants have grown to ridiculously large sizes; the tomato plants are starting to bud their first flowers; and a number of bees have fortunately found our little aisle of vegetable plants (that was the happiest I’ve ever been to see bees in my life!).

In addition to the bees, which have only recently begun to do their job, I’ve had to self-pollinate some of the plants by using a cotton swab to extract pollen from a male flower and take to a female one. Ok, so maybe that sounds a little gross (Amber finds it slightly offensive); yet nevertheless, I can say I’m the proud ‘father’ of our first two squash.

On the other hand, we’re still waiting for our peppers to take off, as they’ve been a bit slow going. AND, it seems I’ve discovered that I’m prone to breaking out in a ghastly allergic rash when brushing up against the leaves of vegetable plants! Ugh!

In other news, things are finally starting to slow down a bit after I preached at my church and re-took the GRE two days later on July 2nd. I didn't do as well as I had planend (on either of them), but it's over and I'm quite relieved. Now its on to filling out more paperwork for applying to PhD programs and preparing for August. In August, we have two weddings in our hometown of Lafayette, IN (one is my brother's), school starts up again, and I have a paper to present in Seattle that requires some further work.