A Eulogy for Grandma Betty

On Thursday, February 28th, Betty Roach (Amber’s Grandma) passed away into eternity. Amber and I made the nine hour drive to Western Kentucky on Friday morning for the viewing and funeral and returned to Pittsburgh around 8:00PM this evening.

Upon our arrival, I received word from Amber’s mom that she had mentioned the possibility to Grandpa Hal that I could say a word at the funeral if he so desired. Call it a sixth sense, call it prophecy, or call it vain fantasy, but as soon as I heard the news of Grandma’s death I began ruminating on a passage I have meditated on numerous times before and the possibility of using it for a funeral message.

Well Grandpa Hal did ask me to say a word at the funeral – less than five minutes before it began. Hal introduced me to the two lay pastors of Grandma Betty’s small country Christian church (and when I say small, I mean really small) who were scheduled to provide the eulogy and message during the service. The first one would speak, a special song would be sung, the other pastor would speak, and then I would be up. I probably had around ten minutes before they would call my name.

So, I bee-lined it back to my seat, pulled out the pew Bible, went straight to the passage I had been contemplating using over the past couple days, pulled out a pen, and wrote down some thoughts on the back of a business card (in about size 8 font!). The following is at least a somewhat accurate representation of what I said yesterday morning:

The book of Ecclesiastes is about a man in search of the meaning of existence and the meaning of life – an appropriate topic for a day like today. It is from this book I would like to read this morning.

“A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth” (Ecc. 7:1-4).

What is the author trying to tell us here in these few sentences? How can it be that it’s better to mourn than to celebrate? Let us begin with what he is not trying to tell us. The author of Ecclesiastes is not telling us to go through life taking ourselves too seriously, to not enjoy life. Nor is he telling us that feasting is a bad thing or that we should avoid taking time to celebrate. On the contrary, the entire book of Ecclesiastes is a proclamation of the importance of enjoying the food, drink, and life we have before us as gifts from God. As 2:24 states, “There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God.”

If we want to understand this passage, I think the central meaning lies in the first three words: a good name. You see, there’s a kind of feasting, a kind of foolish laughter, a kind of laughter that devalues life – one in which we’re all familiar with – in which we participate in order to detach ourselves from life and try to forget reality. In that regard, coming together for a funeral like we have today is a kind of shock therapy that brings us back to our senses and awakens us to what really matters in life.

A good name is something that matters. As we sit here this morning, we must ask ourselves, “What do I want to be remembered for?” A good name is what we’re known for – our character, our reputation. As those who have spoken already have mentioned, Grandma Betty had a good name. She was a servant, a hard worker, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. She loved life and had an inner peace about her.

The house of mourning brings us face to face with reality, face to face with our humanness and mortality. It reminds us to make the most of the few short years we have in this life. It reminds us to appreciate the family and friends we have around us. It reminds us of the beauty and sanctity of human life. It reminds us of the importance of faith and peace and cultivating an inner life with God. It reminds us that we have a soul.

So may this day be a day in which you reflect upon what kind of name you have. May it be a day in which you reflect on the important things in life, of the many things about Betty and memories you have about her that you want to remember her for. And may it be a day in which you consider what ways her life has influenced yours and how you’ve become a better person for it. Thank you.